Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone says I win the strip club
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
