we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
