i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
