Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
