It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
