Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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