ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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