I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
