Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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