the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
