in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
pray to the hookup gods
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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