So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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