He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
