I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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