Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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