god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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