Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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