last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
