I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
