dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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