During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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