So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
