I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
please come you make the beer taste better
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
