Tell her she can't have a vagina
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
