Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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