In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
