I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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