It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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