FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
