I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
