How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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