It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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