I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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