hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
