How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
