Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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