you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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