I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
