Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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