What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
