Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
