then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
