Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
