So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
