i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Text me some of your sweat
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