i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
