I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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