Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
