So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
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