Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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