I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
