She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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