Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
