i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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