I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
