You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
