when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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