i just had sex bonerless
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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