I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
