We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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