my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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