Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
