Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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