Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
