you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
